Home of the Wanderer

There’s something moving in my heart that feels familiar, moving in a way like it sometimes has in well-established long-term relationships. It’s not the sparkling brilliance of novelty, nor the inner fire of mutual admiration – though I’m getting those too, to some extent – but a deep, calm, heart-joy, the building of which has usually taken a year or more of living together. It is a feeling that I associate with connection and safety.

Valuing connection, I am in a state of wonder. I wonder how this can be, because I’m not in any relationship where I’m ready to start introducing someone around as anything other than a friend, let alone move in together – or even stop dating others. I’m not in a place where I’d bring this or that person over to meet my parents, even if we were all in the same town. And so I’m surprised to find my heart moving like this, because though I’m going more slowly into my romantic explorations – and the establishment of expectations – than I think I’ve ever gone before, I feel my heart respond as if it’s two years in. I’m in awe, because I haven’t felt my heart get to this place so quickly before. I thought I knew the territory of my heart, and I’m surprised because – valuing that knowledge – I didn’t know I could get here so fast (or with so little actual knowledge of these new friends of mine).

And while I’ve talked with some people about this before, I want to be sure that it’s clearly stated: this feeling in me does not create any obligation on the part of any past, present, or potential romantic partner. It’s just what’s happening in my heart, and I’m treasuring it.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 29th, 2008 at 14:16 and is filed under Introspective, Musings, Relationships, dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.